Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
