i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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