she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
