This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
