I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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