We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
