you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
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She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
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i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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