I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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