I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
