I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
