Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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