Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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