You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize