it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
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Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
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I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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