Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
