just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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