I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
