who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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