hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
