i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
