you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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