My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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