I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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