I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
