i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
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I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
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We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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