We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
