And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
