What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
