It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
