I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
