Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I need moral support for this bender
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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