i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Couch. On fire.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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