my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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