i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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