So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
