I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
