Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
