i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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