Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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