I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
