I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
