she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
