mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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