he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
