how can u be prego again
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
