just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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