I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Found the puke drawer
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
