okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
