I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
