is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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