I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Randomize
