I wish I could teleport
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
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pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
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You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I lost the right to judge tonight
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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