seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
