When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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