We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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