Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
