my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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