you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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