It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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