totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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