i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
