i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
