Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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