My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
