dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I AM VODKA MAN
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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