im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
