the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
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I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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